The Real Freedom of Choice

Why aren't we raising our children as Pagans?

A choice that many Pagan parents are making these days involves a decision to not raise their children in their own faith, or even to guide the spiritual growth of their children in any way. These parents, of whom significant majorities were raised in other faiths, appear to believe that this decision is merely allowing their child the freedom to choose as they will when they reach adulthood. Many of these parents are "in the closet" about their own spirituality, and this at times plays a significant role in their decision. They expressed the fear that a child might innocently "out" the family.

The choice of parents not to raise their children in their faith or even any faith at all is something new in today's world. Perhaps it is a reflection of the changing values in society as a whole, or perhaps it truly represents a fear of not being able to live up to some predetermined concept of what a spiritual teacher should be. Whatever the reasons behind this trend, I think many of these parents are missing some vital points, and the opportunity to provide their children with a valuable life experience.

A parent's love cannot shelter a child from all the dangers that await them, nothing can. Sooner or later, we must let our children go out and face the world alone, armed only with whatever knowledge and skills we choose to provide. It is our job to give them the tools they need to make their own way, and the ability to use those tools. Growing up in a world as filled with pitfalls as we have today, the lack of spirituality can be a hindrance. Childhood is nothing more then a dress rehearsal for the big play called life. Of all the things we can teach our children, faith and the means to express it should be uppermost in our minds. With faith, many of the choices and decisions that people face in life may become easier to make, or at least not so frightening to face. Faith can see one through many a crisis by giving them wisdom to draw upon and knowing that they never walk alone, there is a higher power to lean upon. I know that for me, knowing what society expects, my spiritual beliefs, and the values I was taught as a child all blend to form the well that I draw from when making decisions, or when faced with situations that require action on my part. It seems reasonable to conclude that something similar holds true for most people, including Pagans. It is only natural that we as parents, would put up some signposts and directions on the road of life, giving concrete examples for our children to follow.

It simply isn't enough to say "Well something is out there, you can decide what it is for yourself when you grow up"-. A child wants to know more then that, and frankly deserves to. They need to know the ways and means to connect to the divine force, and if parents don't teach this, where should it come from? Other faiths provide schools and centers for the their children to learn, and while many Pagans frown on this mass spiritual teaching method, is it really better to go to the other extreme of nothing at all? The end result of doing nothing is that we leave a void in their lives and by our silence we diminish the value of faith, our faith, to the point of non-existence.

Without a spiritual foundation, a child has one less tool which with to face life's critical moments. There is no guarantee that a spiritual upbringing will bring a carefree existence. But then, last time I checked nothing in life comes with a warranty. I believe it is up to us to create what stability we can hope for, and certainly our spirituality is no small part of that stability. It is true that there are those who have managed life's pitfalls with an atheist platform, but very few people have been raised atheist, despite claims to the contrary. There is after all, a vast difference between a lack of active spirituality while growing up, and a determined choice to remove oneself from a belief in spirituality.

For myself, as a spiritual person I cannot endorse an upbringing for my child that precludes teaching my own faith. Moreover, I can find no validity to the concept that my children will somehow be confined in future choices by this upbringing. It seems antithetical to me that a parent can be deeply spiritual, find fulfillment and comfort with their God/dess and their path, and still feel it best to not guide their children in matters of religion. Who better to teach this most important of choices? More to the point, why remove this teaching from a child's life? We teach our children to be careful when crossing a road or dealing with strangers, we instruct them to do their homework and mind their manners. It is a fallacy to believe that a Pagan upbringing will rob children of the ability to self-determination when the time for such ability is ripe. Therein lies the crux of the matter; for a child of tender years can only learn what we, the parents choose to teach or allow them to learn. Teaching spirituality to our children is the first step to giving them the means to understand their place in the universe.

A parent, who feels secure in their choice of spirituality and their chosen means of living it, should not hesitate to tell and show their child how to communicate and express that same faith. To say to a child "This is how we honor our Gods at Yule" -(for example) does not limit their ability to make their own choices down the road. What it does do is give them something to hold onto if they decide later in life to explore other avenues. If they later decide that another path calls them, their upbringing still serves them well, for merely the form of communication with the divine has been altered. They will have already learned the importance of the connection; it will have become a part of their life no matter how it is ultimately expressed.

By growing up in a spiritual life, children learn to live a path, not just wander about aimlessly on it. As to concerns over indoctrination the fact is that any child, regardless of what they were raised in, will determine their own choices when they become adults. After all, many Pagans today did just that, relinquishing the faith they were raised in when they turned to a Pagan path. You don't remove your child's freedom of choice merely by structuring a solid spiritual foundation for them, quite the contrary in fact. You give them secure roots that will allow them time to strengthen the wings that will eventually take them from the shelter of your love and out into the world.

Tell your children what you believe, and show them why you are a Pagan. Live your beliefs and let that be reflected not only in your own path, but the path of those whom you are responsible for shaping. Both parent and child will be richer for the experience.

To bear and raise a child is as close as a human can come to walking in the footsteps of the Gods. As a parent, you shape the entire existence of the babe in your arms today. Not only do you hold the keys to life and death; you hold the means to shape the future for all humankind one child at a time. If one truly feels the path they walk is one to be proud of, a path that perhaps answers some of the questions one has about the divine, isn't it part of our duty as parents to pass that on to our children? Isn't it our moral obligation to provide a platform of spirituality and the tools for inner growth for those most precious to our future and us?

I think so.