The Top 15
Things on Osama bin Laden's
To-Do List
15. Shave, change gender, bleach hair blond, change name to
"Desiree" and move to Paris to pursue my dream of being
a dancer!
14. Unplug flashing neon "Osama's Place!" sign.
13. Redeem gift certificate for Honey Baked Ham before it
expires.
12. Order another gross of Change of Address cards.
11. Delete Pakistani prime minister from my AOL Buddy List.
10. Trim beard down to sassy goatee to look more "dangerous."
9. Quit smoking opium. Man, the crazy stuff I do when I
smoke opium!
8. Order some gingham curtains from Pottery Barn to brighten up
the cave.
7. Stop by Toys 'R' Us and pick up some more friggin' Pokemon
crap for the kids.
6. Complete metamorphosis into adult housefly.
5. Have Cosmo subscription forwarded to Hindu Kush bunker.
4. 11:30 Eat Fruit Rollups while watching "Friends" via bunker
satellite.
3. Call Century 21. List the cave. Stat!
2. Pitch "Who Wants to Marry The World's #1 Most Wanted Man"
concept to FOX.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing
on Osama bin Laden's To-Do List...
1. Devise plan to get in the pants of that capitalist dog,
Britney Spears.
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