A letter written to my child when they discovered that,

"The honeymoon is over!"

Hi Hon,

Glad to hear things are going better. I have been concerned. It takes a lot of strength to make a good marriage and it is a job never completed.

Since I have been a widow so long,  I am a poor one for advice. I guess, it is a matter of loving your mate at least as much as you love yourself. Then, their interests will be as important to you as your own are. I think the key lies in there somewhere. If you truly love someone as much as you love yourself, then you feel their needs and want them to be filled as dearly as you want your own needs filled.

It is easy to say, "Then I should expect the same in return and they will make my needs as important as their own. Me first!" But, it is not the nature of love to expect payment in kind. The nature of love is an unquenchable caring for what is best for the object of your affections.

No mother or father counts whether their child returns enough in kind! They love and do what is best for their child unconditionally. If we could bring that same kind of love to our mates, I do not think there would be any failed marriages. But, I also think that even if only one person in the relationship brings that love, in time, it will win the other person over to that kind of behavior as well.

Ghandi used this approach with great success. If you do right to a person long enough, something in their nature will respond so that they will become too ashamed to do wrong to you. You will earn their respect so that in time they will emulate your behavior and everyone will win. This is particularly true if the person is basically a person of good character to begin with. Also, if the marriage should fail just the same, you will not have cause to reproach yourself.

So, the only advice I can come up with is just love. Always remember, your spouse is good and decent and deserving of your love or you wouldn't have married them in the first place.

Should your beloved do things to annoy..well so what of that. Who among us isn't annoying? If we wish to be treated with toleration...then, must we not tolerate others? The only way not to be annoyed by others is to just go off by ourselves and have no contact with other people. And, would that be a life worth living?

What ever happened to your room where you were going to put the wood burning stove? Even if the stove isn't set up yet, is there any possibility of turning it into a private meditation area yet? A person needs an alone space to meditate and work things out. Do you have an alter yet? It might help if you did and used it to seek your inner calm on a regular basis.  Dearest, don't be so busy, determined and focused that you don't take time to seek for your inner self.

Always remember...someone loves you...unconditionally.

MOM