A letter written to my child when they
"The honeymoon is over!"
Glad to hear things are going better. I have been concerned. It takes a lot of strength to
make a good marriage and it is a job never completed.
Since I have been a widow so long, I am a poor
one for advice. I guess, it is a matter of loving your mate at least as much as you love
yourself. Then, their interests will be as important to you as your own are. I think the
key lies in there somewhere. If you truly love someone as much as you love yourself, then
you feel their needs and want them to be filled as dearly as you want your own needs
It is easy to say, "Then I should expect the same
in return and they will make my needs as important as their own. Me first!" But, it
is not the nature of love to expect payment in kind. The nature of love is an unquenchable
caring for what is best for the object of your affections.
No mother or father counts whether their child returns
enough in kind! They love and do what is best for their child unconditionally. If we could
bring that same kind of love to our mates, I do not think there would be any failed
marriages. But, I also think that even if only one person in the relationship brings that
love, in time, it will win the other person over to that kind of behavior as well.
Ghandi used this approach with great success. If you do
right to a person long enough, something in their nature will respond so that they will
become too ashamed to do wrong to you. You will earn their respect so that in time they
will emulate your behavior and everyone will win. This is particularly true if the person
is basically a person of good character to begin with. Also, if the marriage should fail
just the same, you will not have cause to reproach yourself.
So, the only advice I can come up with is just love. Always remember, your spouse is good
and decent and deserving of your love or you wouldn't have married them in the first
Should your beloved do things to annoy..well so what of
that. Who among us isn't annoying? If we wish to be treated with toleration...then, must
we not tolerate others? The only way not to be annoyed by others is to just go off by
ourselves and have no contact with other people. And, would that be a life worth living?
What ever happened to your room where you were going to put the wood burning stove? Even
if the stove isn't set up yet, is there any possibility of turning it into a private
meditation area yet? A person needs an alone space to meditate and work things out. Do you
have an alter yet? It might help if you did and used it to seek your inner calm on a
regular basis. Dearest, don't be so busy, determined and focused that you don't take
time to seek for your inner self.
Always remember...someone loves you...unconditionally.