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Mid-Life



  I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about
  how mid-life is a great time for women.
  Just last week Oprah had a whole show on
  how great menopause will be....
  
        Puhleeeeeeeze!

  I've had a few thoughts of my own
  and would like to share them with you.
  Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60
  (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.
  
  Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down.
  This gives us plenty of time
  to care for our newly acquired mustache.
  
  In mid-life women no longer have upper arms,
  we have wingspans.
  We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts,
  we are flying squirrels in drag.
  
  Mid-life is when you can
  stand naked in front of a mirror
  and you can see your rear without turning around.
  
  Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram
  and you realize that this is the only time
  someone will ask you to appear topless.
  
  Mid-life is when you want to grab
  every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream,
  "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell
  and those will too."
  
  Mid-life brings wisdom to know
  that life throws us curves and
  we're sitting on our biggest ones.
  
  Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all,
  beeper-wearing teenager and think:
  "For this I have stretch marks?"
  
  In mid-life your memory starts to go.
  In fact the only thing we can retain is water.
  
  Mid-life means that your Body By Jake
  now includes Legs By Rand McNally --
  more red and blue lines
  than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.
  
  Mid-life means that you become more reflective...
  You start pondering the "big" questions.
  What is life? Why am I here?
  How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat
  before it's no longer a healthy choice?
  
  But mid-life also brings with it
  an appreciation for what is important.
  
  We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double,
  but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile.
  Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now
  for the body you had way back when?
  
  Maybe our bodies simply have to expand
  to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired.
  

  That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!   

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