George Bush
Funny Pictures and Quotes
| "The senator has got to understand if he's going to have
— he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low
road." —George W. Bush, in Feb. 2000 |
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EMERGENCY EXIT
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There
were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, George W. Bush, the Dali Lama, and a
hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment,
and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot
burst into the compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that
we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I
have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the
plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the
world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest
athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining
parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.
George W. Bush rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am supposed to be the President of the
U.S. The world needs leaders, and I think leaders should have a parachute, too." He
grabbed one, and out he jumped.
The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My
son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True
Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down
with the plane."
The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry. The supposed leader of the free
world just jumped out wearing my backpack." |
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| "Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it". |
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Suggested graffiti for rest room walls:
If you voted for
George Bush, you can't shit here...your asshole is in Washington |
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"After all, ozone is not a poison or a carcinogen." |
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| "I am a person who recognizes
the fallacy of humans."—Oprah,
Sept. 19, 2000 |
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| "Think about that. Two
hundred and eighty-five new or expanded programs, $2 trillion more in new spending, and
not one new bureaucrat to file out the forms or answer the
phones?"—Minneapolis, Nov. 1, 2000 |
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"They want the federal government controlling
Social Security like it's some kind of federal program."—St. Charles, Mo., Nov.
2, 2000 |
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PRESSING QUESTIONS
A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference:
"Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the
enormous power and influence of your father."
"That notion is ridiculous!" mocked George Jr. "It doesn't matter how
powerful the man is. He can only vote once!" |
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FRIENDLY FAVOR
George W. Bush is sitting in a hotel lobby, planning his speech to a group of businessmen,
when a little man walks up to him. "Excuse me, Mr. Bush, but my name is Steve Case,
and I'm here with an extremely important client tonight. We're going to see your speech
tonight, and it would be a great help to me if, when we walk by, you could impress him by
saying, 'Hello, Steve'."
Bush readily agrees, and fifteen minutes later, the little man walks by, deep in
conversation with his client.
Bush came up and said, "Hello, Steve."
The little man says, "F**k off, Bush! I'm in a meeting," and keeps walking. |
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SOME TEXAN
Three cowboys were hanging out in a bar, discussing George W. Bush's visit to their ranch
earlier that day.
"The funniest part," the first one said, "was when he kept trying to honk
the cow's horns, complaining that they didn't work."
They laughed, and then the second cowboy said, "No, the best was when he asked if
being a cowboy meant that I was half-cow."
They all laughed louder, and then the third cowboy said, "No, boys, the best was when
he tried to milk that steer!" |
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| "What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically
delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize society.
So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative
positions, but that's my position.'' —George W. Bush, in Jan. 2000 |
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"They said, 'You know, this issue doesn't
seem to resignate with the people.' And I said, you know something? Whether it resignates
or not doesn't matter to me, because I stand for doing what's the right thing, and what
the right thing is hearing the voices of people who work."—Portland, Ore., Oct.
31, 2000
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| "Anyway, after we go out and
work our hearts out, after you go out and help us turn out the vote, after we've convinced
the good Americans to vote, and while they're at it, pull that old George W. lever, if I'm
the one, when I put my hand on the Bible, when I put my hand on the Bible, that day when
they swear us in, when I put my hand on the Bible, I will swear to not—to uphold the
laws of the land."—Toledo, Ohio, Oct. 27, 2000 |
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"Ma," said George W. Bush on the phone, "the latest polls show that I
am ahead of Gore!"
"Honestly?" asked Barbara Bush.
"Ma! Why bring that up at a time like this?" exclaimed Bush. |
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| "I've got a reason for running. I talk about a larger goal,
which is to call upon the best of America. It's part of the renewal. It's reform and
renewal. Part of the renewal is a set of high standards and to remind people that the
greatness of America really does depend on neighbors helping neighbors and children
finding mentors. I worry. I'm very worried about, you know, the kid who just wonders
whether America is meant for him. I really worry about that. And uh, so, I'm running for a
reason. I'm answering this question here and the answer is, you cannot lead America to a
positive tomorrow with revenge on one's mind. Revenge is so incredibly negative. And so to
answer your question, I'm going to win because people sense my heart, know my sense of
optimism and know where I want to lead the country. And I tease people by saying, 'A
leader, you can't say, follow me the world is going to be worse.' I'm an optimistic
person. I'm an inherently content person. I've got a great sense of where I want to lead
and I'm comfortable with why I'm running. And, you know, the call on that speech was,
beware. This is going to be a tough campaign."-Interview with the Washington Post,
March 23, 2000 |
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